The Secret Life of Luscious Malfoy
by Author of Doom Earth
Summary: For all of you who are tired of writers spelling Lucius Malfoy's name as Luscious I would like to introduce Lucius' effeminately gay twin brother!
1. Evaluation

Well, Rin has been suggesting I do this for, I dunno… AGES! This is for all of you sick of writers spelling Lucius Malfoy's name INCORRECTLY! Just a small bit of nonsense, but I hope it brings a small smile to you the next time you see a fanfic with his name spelled Luscious. Enjoy and tell me what you think!

3 Raye

Disclaimer: I do not own any official Harry Potter characters. They belong to JK Rowling. Pfft, like I am making money off of this anyway! HA! I am still a poor artist… . .

THE SECRET LIFE OF LUSCIOUS MALFOY!

It was widely known, throughout the Wizarding world, that those of Pureblood status were to be held in high regard and to be revered greatly for their breeding. At least, this is the impression that many of the Purebloods had- High amongst them, the Malfoys. However, it is to be noted, that no matter how good the breeding, every once in a while, you come across one that _differs_ from that of his kind. In this case, that inbred Pureblood is Luscious Malfoy.

Born the twin of Lucius Malfoy, Death-Eater and Pureblood extroadinaire, Luscious was very... different from your average wizard.

"Good morning everyone!" A cheerful, effeminate voice broke the cold, dense silence of Malfoy Manor.

"Oh Lord, he's still here…" Lucius rolled his eyes, pouring milk into his coffee.

"I love you too, brother dear!" Luscious gave him a kiss on the cheek. "So, I had a fabulous night yesterday…"

"Oh, do tell us, dear brother-in-law." Narcissa smiled and gave her husband a bit of a sadistic look. That'll teach Lucius to hog the bloody covers…

"Well, I met up with Henri and the guys and we went to this AMAZING club outside of York…" He started to ramble on and Lucius tried to tune him out with failure. "... and then we found them drunk in the bathroom with their pants around their ankles and would you believe it- Mick DOES have a piercing there!"

Lucius groaned into his copy of the Daily Prophet and was thankfully interrupted by the sound of some Death Eaters apparating into his foyer.

"Sorry to cut breakfast so short," Lucius did not act very sorry at all in his haste to rise and greet the men who were his excuse to get away from his insane brother. "You know how business is…"

"Well I'll just come with you and tell all your friends the story as well!" Luscious smiled broadly and put an arm around his brother's slumped shoulders.

"This is important business for the Dark Lord himself, brother! We have not the time to waste!" Lucius snapped, roughly removing the arm from his shoulder.

"Then allow me to help you conspire. I do so love being evil… You have the best costumes when you're evil! All that leather and the bondage you can inflict on your captors…" Lucius groaned loudly and proceeded to the drawing room.

"What's the task at hand, gentlemen?" Lucius surveyed his faithful fellows. Crabbe, Goyle and Knott were there, along with a few others he hadn't bothered to remember the names of. They were new to the side and not to be considered worth too much of his time.

"We have found the possible location of Sirius Black, Malfoy." Knott informed him.

"Ooooh! Sirius Black! Goodness," Luscious' voice sounded from the corner of the drawing room. "I remember him from our days back in school… Coming off the quidditch pitch all wet from the rain.. his muscles taut and rippling…" He gives a delightful shudder. "Think he's seeing anyone?"

"He's been hiding away at Remus Lupin's place for a while but we think the two of them have recently moved…" Knott stared at Luscious for a moment before getting back to business.

"Oh DAMN! I should have known those two would have ended up together!"

"Ignore him…" Lucius told his associates. "Now what is the status on the Weasley family?"

"Bill Weasley appears to have returned from Egypt home to London recently…" Knott continued.

"The one with the earring? Mmmnn… I wouldn't mind chasing _that_ weasel around very much!" Luscious made a sound like a horny lion and rolled a few Rs.

"Would you _please_ contain yourself if you insist on attending my meetings!" Lucius spat at his brother.

"… for his wedding." Knott finished.

"Yes, yes. That's right. Mr. 'Can't get any from his wife now that Draco is old enough to know what they might be doing' is sexually repressed." Luscious stuck out his tongue at his purpling brother. "Damn, a wedding… Wonder what he wore…"

"GET OUT! Get out, get out, get OUT!" Lucius howled, aiming his wand at his brother.

"Pfft. Whatever Mr. Tightwad." He held up his hands in defeat and walked out of the parlor.

The Death Eaters were chuckling behind their hands at the last comment being made and Lucius shot them all nasty glares. "On with BUSINESS!" He commanded.


	2. Uniform Robes

Well, I got a lot of reviews that put me in a good mood and decided to further my ficcage for ya! In this installment, Luscious makes some 'improvements' on the Death Eater costumes! LEATHER HO!

Enjoy!

3 Raye

THE SECRET LIFE OF LUSCIOUS MALFOY

Part Two!

Luscious grumbled at being 'kicked out' of the meeting; he could really get to know that Frederic Boot on a more personal level… Oh well. His services would be of better use in a different way.

As he had been staying with his brother for a while, Luscious had learned many things about the Dark Lord's forces; including where they summoned their Death Eater clothing from. What dreary and drab 'supervillain' outfits they wore! Who in their right minds would be intimidated by a bunch of hooded men! Pfft! They weren't a gang or anything; they were the future leaders of the world! He summoned some supplies and started to work.

When a call-to-arms interrupted their meeting, the Death Eaters in Malfoy's parlor did the spell to acquire their Death Eater robes. Once the gray smoke was gone, they were horrified to find each other in

"LEATHER PANTS!" Lucius roared. "What in the bloody Hell happened to our robes?" No sooner did he ask than the answer came to him. "LUSCIOUS!"

Luscious came in smiling with his own set of leather pants and asphyxiation mask. Very S&M chic.

"Yes, brother?" He sang sweetly.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO OUR ROBES!"

"Improved them." Luscious rolled his eyes. "Mmn… You all look so much more deliciously evil in these clothes…" He licked Boot's leather arm cuff, making the man jump back with a yelp.

"Put them back the way they were!" Lucius roared. "NOW!"

"Pfft! No way! These outfits are WAY better!" He protested. "Besides, young Draco goes back to Hogwarts today so you may be able to get Narcissa to-"

"WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT THAT SUBJECT!" Lucius thundered. "You are a DISGRACE to the family name of Malfoy and I want you OUT OF MY HOME!"

"But brother, dear," Luscious imitated his brother's drawl. "With all I know of the Dark Lord's plans, you wouldn't want me to… Oh, I dunno, _accidentally_ let something slip to Kingsley Shacklebolt in a fit of mad, passionate love-making- would you?" He smirked the classic Malfoy smirk.

Lucius scowled. "Right. Leather it is. For now." He glared at his brother. "We have to attend to our Lord!" He snapped to the others and they all disapparated.

"Now if only I could get those Hogwarts uniforms to change somehow…" Luscious walked out of the parlor and to the gardens to ponder.

Well, here is part two! I wasn't planning on writing more, but alas, I have! I hope you enjoyed! This chapter is dedicated to all of you who reviewed! Hope you liked it!

3 Raye


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